The only question to ever ask is, is simply, how could I have shown up better? Life is a series of reactions and responses to the world around us. The only way to change your life is to focus on changing your reactions into highest self responses vs. (usually) trauma and childhood driven reactions. I use the word better intentionally, because when you strive for better, you’re striving for your highest potential, highest self. As in, how can I show up as the best version of me? Not a more positive version; therefore, implying showing up as happy and unfazed by everything around you. Typically, positive implies good and bad and truly there are no good nor bad emotions or reactions/responses. And for those who can show up enlightened, patient, accepting and loving 100% of the time, thank you.
I went to the DMV. I’m hearing laughter and “me too” already! Story aside, I was feeling unheard, belittled, useless and incapable by how I was being treated. Rule #1: You can only control yourself. I am in charge of my emotions/reactions/responses.
I am in the process of learning how to not allow other peoples energy to have as big of an impact on my energy.
I was asking questions with a repeat of “that’s not my problem, it’s yours.” I admitted to the woman that I did not know what to do (which, for an Sicilian Aries woman, let me tell you isn’t easy business!) Already feeling vulnerable, she called security over to usher me away as I was asking questions with her stating, “You don’t have your paperwork, I can’t help you, you need to leave.”
I fumbled to pick up my papers now jumbled across the counter, wished her a beautiful rest of her day and walked away with zero resolve. On my way out of the door a sweet gentleman stopped me and asked if they were able to help me out, he shared that he is going through something similar, and they won’t help him out either. As I was sharing, I began crying. My reaction was to apologize for my tears. My response in my head even before the words came out was to never apologize for crying. One big awkward pause later I still couldn’t understand why I was so shaken up by this encounter. I made the intentional decision to apologize anyways. My interaction with the DMV attendant rocked my day. I was grateful for the sweet angel who stopped me and asked if I was okay. Looking back, I’m sad I was so shaken up by the woman that I couldn’t enjoy our interaction more.
I met my devil and lost. For most of the rest of the day I was numb and frozen. I allowed my devil to get inside me. Sidenote: My devil is not the DMV attendant, she is going through her own trials and tribulations, her own life.
How could I have shown up better? Is the only question.
I can’t control anyone except myself. And being that I was shaken up the rest of the day after our encounter shows me where to focus my healing. Riding the highs and lows of another’s energy is a dangerous game where there are no winners.
In the book The Pilgrimage by Paulo Coelho, Paulo meets a series of devils throughout his journey. Imagine your devils as tests that occur throughout your life. Each test is meant to teach you a lesson. Lessons that help you grow emotionally, spiritually, physically, in your connection to others and logically. Without these devil’s, you can’t fully grow because your highest self isn’t challenged. Imagine the devils as reinforcements of who are (and sometimes, you who you think you are!) They are an opportunity to practice and hone the bits and pieces amongst all the layers that comprise you of you. This woman’s energy was one of my devils. Allowing her energy to overcome my energy shows me where I can practice more self-care and self-awareness. The goal is to aim small, miss small. She was “too big” for me in that moment. And as Maya Angelou said, when you know better, do better. Next time, my prayers are to have conscious awareness around putting my spiritual armor on before her energy is allowed to penetrate mine. And perhaps, with great practice and probably a few more slow down moments, I will be able to at the same time wish her well…
There will always be trials and hardships thrown at you, ready to teach you lessons along the journey. The thing about lessons is that they will keep coming back with a different set of cast and characters until the lesson is learned. And don’t worry, the lesson will always come back. I don’t believe there is a way to ever skip what’s truly meant for you. There may be moments that feel like failures, speed bumps, derailing, etc…learning to reframe “failure” into slowdown was a good first step for me. From there, it evolved into an inner knowing. A trust that I was always right where I was supposed to be, knowing I am always divinely provided for and eventually, a feeling that I am always provided for. It’s funny the thoughts you catch in your head, “I KNOW I’m divinely provided for, so why don’t I FEEL divinely provided for?!” Listen to these thoughts, give yourself what you ask for!
Your path is written, follow the good feelings and challenges. Don’t turn away from hard lessons, they will always find their way back to you. Remember: You have everything in your life that you are meant to have right now in this moment.